Sometimes things can get tough and we lose our motivation to continue with the things that we would have once done without even thinking, and that’s ok we are only human at the end of the day. Things like writing a simple blog post seem like the impossible and then when we don’t do these things that once seemed so simple we beat ourselves up over it and that makes it even worse.
This month has been difficult for me not just through personal issues but with my blog, I completely lost motivation with it, it started with me comparing myself to others I wondered why I wasn’t on the same level as other people, why wasn’t my blog doing as well? why was I losing Instagram followers quicker than the change in weather? wasn’t I good enough? was I just wasting my time? I also think that when you’re not in the right mindset these things can really affect you I honestly felt like giving up. It doesn’t help that my hormones have been all over the place this past couple of weeks due to some personal issues I’ve been having and that clearly made me feel worse about myself.
life can get tough and sometimes we stress ourselves out over the simplest of things that we look back on one day and wonder why we made it such a big deal, but we cant help the way that we feel sometimes and that’s completely human.
At the beginning of this month I took another plunge and started my Youtube channel finally after over 3 years of promising myself I was going to do it, buying the cameras the tripods and the lighting and still never doing it because I was too embarrassed but I woke up one day and thought no I need to do this and if anything I’m doing it for myself, I’m not going to let insecurities hold me back anymore I don’t want to regret anything. And I did it, I uploaded my first youtube video and although it wasn’t the best I was proud of myself that I finally did it and pushed away from the thoughts in my head telling me how stupid I was going to look, and I was proud of myself! admittedly I was a bit embarrassed by my big head being on youtube for everyone to see and you could clearly tell I was nervous but honestly I have never spoken to anyone with a youtube channel that hasn’t told me that they still hate their first video.
But of course my first video didn’t get a lot of views and even though my second got over 1.3k my 3rd really isn’t doing so great, and its dishearting when you put so much effort into something that doesn’t end up doing great and with my small 45 subscribers that was starting to make me feel crappy too, until the other day I had to give myself a reality check, why am I comparing myself with everything I do? yes I have 45 subscribers I’ve been on youtube for under a month and I only have 3 videos live on my channel why would I expect the followers to roll in after such a short amount of time? people spend years and years building their channels up and putting hours and hours of time and effort into them to see the results, my headspace just wasn’t right and instead of being proud that I had uploaded 3 videos in the space of a few weeks and being proud I finally did the thing I had wanted to do for so long I then went back to comparing myself again.
What I’m trying to say is how easy it is to forget the reason you started something in the first place, I started my blog because I love beauty and fashion and I love telling people what I think about certain topics or products and I wanted to connect with people and share ideas and inspiration, but with the blogosphere being so large it gets easy to start comparing your success with others, others that might be that bit more ahead of you and then you loose site of what you are really doing it for. And please don’t take this the wrong way for every single blogger that I know and even the ones that I don’t their success is 100% deserved these women work damn hard to get where they are, blogging is not easy I know a lot of people think its super unfair that ‘bloggers’ get ‘free’ stuff and get to go to all these nice places and all they do it write about it and take a few pictures and that’s it job done. Well my friend you are WRONG blogging is not only our passion it is also time consuming not only while are we taking these photos and writing these blog posts for some people its thier job and even when its not we spend hours jotting down ideas for a post and then have to put it together, we have to edit our photos, plan our posts because our tweets won’t write themsefls, and of course instagram isnt being great to us right now so they have to be carfully thought out, the editing the captions even time we post this is all compleatly crusual. it is not easy.
So I’m so glad I’m finally feeling myself again and I’ve got myself back into my blogging spirit because it isn’t fun when you feel like your not doing as well as everyone else and I know a lot of you have been there before, but what I told myself was if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself thinking you will never be as good as this person or that person you will not reach your goals any quicker! feeling sorry for yourself will only slow you down. Don’t compare your blog or your youtube channel or even your life to anyone else because whats yours is yours. only you can make your blog grow only you can push yourself forward. We’ve all been there so never feel bad about it because life sometimes deals us crappy cards and we just have to keep our heads high and deal with them
But I’m back and I promise I’m better.