Katharine Anne

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Dear Anxiety.

Dear Anxiety.

I know that I have written a blog post about my anxiety before, but I actually wrote this post during the mental health awareness week but for some reason just couldn’t bring myself to post it. This isn’t an in-depth post of me telling you how to handle your anxiety or how to overcome it, this is just me sharing my thoughts and experiences because I know that the younger Katharine would have really needed to read something likes this many years ago. 

so here it goes. 

Growing up I always felt a little bit different to everyone else, a lot of the friends I grew up with always shared the same carefree attitude I longed to have, nothing seemed to worry them never mind stress them out, where I was the complete opposite. I would worry about certain things that I really had no business worrying about, and I suppose its a good thing to a certain extent, to be careful and maybe there are certain things that you should worry about, but not to the extent I did. As the years passed it never got better and it got worse before it got better, I remember being about 17 and the very thought of being on my own even in my own house would make me feel completely suffocated I couldn’t handle being on my own and I didn’t understand why I would drive myself insane trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why did I feel this way about myself?  t I was suffering from Anxiety and didn’t even know it.

I was scared because I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, why did I feel this way? why me? was I insane? Back then mental health wasn’t as spoken about as it is today and for one am so so happy that everyone is so open with their stories and experiences because it helps people every single day and I know that the younger me would have benefitted greatly from reading the things online that I see today. Back when I was 17 and experiencing the first signs of anxiety I was too scared to even tell my own mum how I felt in fear that I really was crazy, stupid I know but I was young and scared.

Fast forward to 2016 and my anxiety was at its highest, my brain constantly doing overtime overthinking, worried and scared. Of what? I really couldn’t begin to tell you, you name it, it probably worried me. It’s like my own brain would come up with multiple scenarios of a situation and sometimes this situation might of not even occurred yet. IT WAS EXHAUSTING. Then just like that as if by magic I saw my first post online talking about Anxiety and it was actually a post from Zoella back then I wasn’t really a huge fan of hers I mean I liked her and knew of her but I wasn’t a religious watcher or reader of her content.

She was speaking about her progression of her anxiety and the more I read the more I related, I then found myself googling for articles or youtube videos on anxiety and I finally felt like I wasn’t alone, it was the most comforting feeling I think I have ever felt just purely because I finally knew I wasn’t mad or stupid for feeling the way that I felt. Was this what I was experiencing?

Once I had done a bit of research I then felt confident to ask my mum about Anxiety, was it normal? does it happen to everyone? after speaking to my mum about it even though not fully prepared to tell her how I felt I already felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders, I wasn’t alone.

From then to now, I’ve managed to handle my anxiety a lot better then I used to, with so much awareness about mental health its spoken about everywhere, on the television, the radio, even on my breaks at work it comes up in conversation and people are now so open to sharing experiences and are actually there to listen because it is now more understood then it was years ago.

I”ve had conversations with good friends about their past experiences and couldn’t believe that people that I have been close to for so many years were at rock bottom once, people I look at as strong confident people and would never even dream that the same thing was happening to them. But that’s the thing isn’t it mental health is like a virus you cant see it, people with mental health always seem happy confident people.

A little while back my boyfriend used to joke with me all the time that I was cocky and too confident sometimes would even call me big headed. But please believe me I’m not when I really had a chance to sit down and think about it, that was kind of like my act, my fake self to prove that I was ( insert ross from friends voice) “Fine” But I was struggling inside with who I was and that was my act to make sure no one would notice, I didn’t care if anyone thought I was a bitch as long as no one saw what was really going on.

But fast forward to now my anxiety is now better handled because I can deal with it better, I use calming techniques when I feel myself getting nervous or anxious, breathing techniques and music that I can listen to, to calm me down. And most importantly people I can speak to.  Don’t get me wrong I still have days where I don’t want to speak to anyone at all and I would much rather stay in bed and do absolutely nothing, but I will always try my hardest to fight it. I still to this day can’t step foot into a nightclub without a 1000 thoughts running through my mind things that are so stupid but I just can’t help it, nightclubs aren’t my thing and I have accepted that I and my anxiety are probably never going to accept it. I still get sick to my stomach when going anywhere that I know there will be crowds of people and flying is something I’m getting better at every time i do it, a few years ago I was standing at the steps of the plane crying my eyes out looking like a crazy woman because it felt like a physically couldn’t step on to the plane, but I did it and now at the end of the year I’m doing my first long-haul flight in 7 years! 

 

The more that time progresses I am trying to challenge myself push myself to step out of my comfort zone and do more things that 5 years ago I wouldn’t have even wanted to think about, I am now more confident as a person but in a good way.

I know my anxiety is a part of who I am and I’ve accepted that now but I will not let it define who I am, I am not my anxiety, and every time I hear the voice in the back of my head telling me I cant do something I tell it to watch me. We have grown so much and now understand mental health more than we ever have in the past, never feel afraid to open up and speak to someone about it. On two occasions when I was feeling my absolute worse I spoke to someone about it and both times I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  So many people feel the same way as you, you really aren’t alone. And never apologize for being who you are.

Life can be difficult and when you are stuck battling with your own mind it can feel like you are all alone and sometimes you can’t stop the tears from flowing and your heart from racing but breath and tell yourself you are going to be ok. So many people feel the same way as you do YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are having a shit day TELL SOMEONE. If you are feeling anxious even if you have no idea why TELL SOMEONE. Don’t suffer in silence because you think no one will understand or you will be misunderstood. You are not your mental health. You are strong and wonderful and don’t let it define who you are. 

Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go They merely determine where you start – Nido Qubein 

 

 

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STEP INTO SUMMER WITH PAGO

STEP INTO SUMMER WITH PAGO

So spring has finally sprung and even though the weather here in London hasn’t been doing us any favors, these last couple weeks things have starting to look up! we have had a good few sunny days and that always gets me into the spring/summer vibe. The clocks went forward so that means its lighter for longer so I won’t be leaving work feeling like I’m waking up in the dark and coming home in the dark. And when this time of year hits it usually doesn’t only change our moods but it also changes much more, the way we want to dress, the things we want to do and even down to the things we want to eat and drink.

So more this week than ever I’ve been super grateful with the package I was kindly sent by the people over at Pago juices, and I was so happy to receive a whole pack full of my favorite!!!… cloudy apple juice! I was kindly asked what juice I wanted to try and I was going to be a bit more daring but, cloudy apple juice is my favorite so I just couldn’t betray it like that! but they do have a wide range of juices to choose from including..

 

  • Cloudy Cherry
  • Cloudy Apple
  • Mango
  • Orange
  • Blackcurrant
  • Cranberry
  • Pear
  • Pineapple
  • Pink Grapefruit
  • Tomato
  • Rhubarb and Pear

But I’m so so happy that I picked cloudy apple because it is honestly is the best cloudy apple juice I have ever tasted, I don’t know if it’s because it is kept in a glass bottle but I absolutely love it! Even my mum who really isn’t a fan of any other juice apart from Orange juice loved it, I kept coming home from work to see that she had taken more from the pack to put in the fridge.

I sometimes find that certain cloudy apple juices can be quite sweet and overpowering but Pago’s go down a treat without me feeling like I have to clear my throat after. My favorite way to serve it is in a nice big glass full of ice and I’ve been doing this every morning on my days off since I received the juice its the perfect way to awaken yourself and your taste buds on a Sunday morning, the juice is so full of flavour but doesn’t leave me feeling like I have just had a large intake of unnecessary sugar.

And if I am going to be completely honest I have seen Pago juices around a few times in local cafes and restaurants but I never really thought of trying it, don’t ask me why, but now I’m kicking myself because I could have discovered it a lot sooner.

The only thing I would have to fault on the juice is I wish they had it in a larger bottle because I finish it so fast, but to be honest that’s more my problem..

So a massive thank you to Pago for sending me over your incredible juice you now have a big fan and I don’t think I will ever reach for any other cloudy apple juice again.

You can purchase Pago juices online at pagofruitjuice.com

 

until next time.

KA.

Xx

 

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Blossoming In Spring | Why I Quit Blogging For A Month.

Blossoming In Spring | Why I Quit Blogging For A Month.

Sometimes things can get tough and we lose our motivation to continue with the things that we would have once done without even thinking, and that’s ok we are only human at the end of the day. Things like writing a simple blog post seem like the impossible and then when we don’t do these things that once seemed so simple we beat ourselves up over it and that makes it even worse.

This month has been difficult for me not just through personal issues but with my blog, I completely lost motivation with it, it started with me comparing myself to others I wondered why I wasn’t on the same level as other people, why wasn’t my blog doing as well? why was I losing Instagram followers quicker than the change in weather? wasn’t I good enough? was I just wasting my time? I also think that when you’re not in the right mindset these things can really affect you I honestly felt like giving up. It doesn’t help that my hormones have been all over the place this past couple of weeks due to some personal issues I’ve been having and that clearly made me feel worse about myself.

life can get tough and sometimes we stress ourselves out over the simplest of things that we look back on one day and wonder why we made it such a big deal, but we cant help the way that we feel sometimes and that’s completely human.

At the beginning of this month I took another plunge and started my Youtube channel finally after over 3 years of promising myself I was going to do it, buying the cameras the tripods and the lighting and still never doing it because I was too embarrassed but I woke up one day and thought no I need to do this and if anything I’m doing it for myself, I’m not going to let insecurities hold me back anymore I don’t want to regret anything. And I did it, I uploaded my first youtube video and although it wasn’t the best I was proud of myself that I finally did it and pushed away from the thoughts in my head telling me how stupid I was going to look, and I was proud of myself! admittedly I was a bit embarrassed by my big head being on youtube for everyone to see and you could clearly tell I was nervous but honestly I have never spoken to anyone with a youtube channel that hasn’t told me that they still hate their first video.

But of course my first video didn’t get a lot of views and even though my second got over 1.3k my 3rd really isn’t doing so great, and its dishearting when you put so much effort into something that doesn’t end up doing great and with my small 45 subscribers that was starting to make me feel crappy too, until the other day I had to give myself a reality check, why am I comparing myself with everything I do? yes I have 45 subscribers I’ve been on youtube for under a month and I only have 3 videos live on my channel why would I expect the followers to roll in after such a short amount of time? people spend years and years building their channels up and putting hours and hours of time and effort into them to see the results, my headspace just wasn’t right and instead of being proud that I had uploaded 3 videos in the space of a few weeks and being proud I finally did the thing I had wanted to do for so long I then went back to comparing myself again.

What I’m trying to say is how easy it is to forget the reason you started something in the first place, I started my blog because I love beauty and fashion and I love telling people what I think about certain topics or products and I wanted to connect with people and share ideas and inspiration, but with the blogosphere being so large it gets easy to start comparing your success with others, others that might be that bit more ahead of you and then you loose site of what you are really doing it for. And please don’t take this the wrong way for every single blogger that I know and even the ones that I don’t their success is 100% deserved these women work damn hard to get where they are, blogging is not easy I know a lot of people think its super unfair that ‘bloggers’ get ‘free’ stuff and get to go to all these nice places and all they do it write about it and take a few pictures and that’s it job done. Well my friend you are WRONG blogging is not only our passion it is also time consuming not only while are we taking these photos and writing these blog posts for some people its thier job and even when its not we spend hours jotting down ideas for a post and then have to put it together, we have to edit our photos, plan our posts because our tweets won’t write themsefls, and of course instagram isnt being great to us right now so they have to be carfully thought out, the editing the captions even time we post this is all compleatly crusual. it is not easy.

So I’m so glad I’m finally feeling myself again and I’ve got myself back into my blogging spirit because it isn’t fun when you feel like your not doing as well as everyone else and I know a lot of you have been there before, but what I told myself was if you sit around feeling sorry for yourself thinking you will never be as good as this person or that person you will not reach your goals any quicker! feeling sorry for yourself will only slow you down. Don’t compare your blog or your youtube channel or even your life to anyone else because whats yours is yours. only you can make your blog grow only you can push yourself forward. We’ve all been there so never feel bad about it because life sometimes deals us crappy cards and we just have to keep our heads high and deal with them

But I’m back and I promise I’m better.

KA 

Xx 

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My Top 5 Beauty Products I Couldn’t Live Without.

My Top 5 Beauty Products I Couldn’t Live Without.

I am a bit of beauty enthusiast ill have you know, I love being daring enough to try all different types of concoctions on my skin, even though it doesnt always thank me for it.. breakouts come back to remind me I have made a very big mistake, and also my mother is there to do that for me, she is constantly begging me not to put that ” crap ” as she calls it on my face, she will always tell me I have beautiful skin and im only going to ruin it with the amount I put on it, what with the “all the make up I wear” my mother ladies and gentlemen she really is a gem.

And over the years yes I have come to realize that certain products just don’t work for me and of course, everyone’s skin is different and different things work for different people, I find quite heavy products tend to break me out in all sorts of underskin spots that make a very good job at popping out even when I have my foundation on by the pump load. I will be honest though I’m lucky when it comes to my skin, I have never suffered from bad skin and I’m very grateful for that.  I have friends and family that have an ongoing battle with their skin and it really does get them down. And I recently read Laurens post over at loulabellerose.co.uk and her blog post all about how she battled with her skin from a young age and she really is incredible and so brave I only know from friends and family’s experiences of how your skin can make you feel, But Laurens post talks all about how she started to embrace her skin and how shes learned to deal with it and for that my girl I think you are absolutely positively incredible.

But if there is one thing I know for sure about my skin is that it is most definitely OILY the kind of skin that without the right products can leave my foundation slowly making its way down my face by 5 pm, and do you know what else nice oily skin leads to? BLACKHEADS Yup nice sized potato looking blackheads and this is an issue I’ve had since I was in the young stages of secondary school I was actually made fun of quite often for the number of blackheads I would have formulating on my chinny chin chin, and no matter how badly I would try to squeeze them out or cover them up with my Maybelline matte mouse foundation they were still quite obvious.  But as I got older and hormones went up and down they seemed to slowly get better, because just like my mother told me “it’s just a phase” just like the phase where I went home one day after school and shaved my arms because a boy in my class asked me why I had such hairy arms for a girl? and yup I’m still regretting that.

But oh so surely them blackheads came creeping back and still to this day my problem area is my chin and my nose, I’ve had face steamers all the Clearasil products you can think of and nothing really worked, although the steamer made it easier to get blackheads out.. maybe I should invest in a face steamer again…  But over the last year I’ve really been investing in better products for my face better makeup and better skincare products, and although sometimes the most expensive isn’t always whats best for your skin and I truly believe that but, I have found there are a few products that have a bit more of a price tag but work well for my skin and there are some products that have a bit of more affordable price tag and they are incredible also. So I think I’ve rambled on enough now I think this might be the biggest intro to a blog post ever, and if your still here thank you and well done, I’m like this as a person once I start you cant really shut me up, ill stop now.

 

 

Liz Earle Cleanse And Polish Hot Cloth Cleanser.

 

Liz Earle is a product I had always wanted to try but I never did because I always assumed that it would come with a price to pay, that shooting pain that goes through my chest when I look at my bank balance. But when I went to Boots a few months back I saw they had a deal where you got the Liz Earle hot cloth cleanser with 2 cloths and a cute little zip bag and it was only £16 I thought I must have been mistaken because that couldn’t be possible, so I took it to the till and waited for the man to scan it thinking he would tell me it was £40 and I would have to do that embarresing thing where you say oh it was marked down and something diffrent nevermind ill just put it back haha.. But I will have you know it was indeed £16 and I felt like a grown-up I had my first ever Liz Erle product whos a blogger now huh?

The product itself is really simple to use you just put two pumps in your hand and work it into a clean dry face and neck and rub it all over untill its nice and sunk in, and then run your little Liz Earle Hot cloth under warm water and wipe the product away, and once washed off just splash your face with some cold water to close your pores, its that simple and even after the first couple of times I used it I was suprised as to how smooth my skin felt and it was only last week I noticed that my blackheads  and underskin spots on my chin have cleared up quite a bit and touch wood I havent seemed to of had any extra breakouts anywhere eles on my face so I deffantly want to test out some more Liz Earle products. But this one I would highly recommend.

 

Garnier Micellar Water Oil Infused.

In recent years I have become a big believer in ditching face wipes I used to use them every night before bed without fail I didn’t have a skincare routine that was it, and obviously I washed my face but no cleaners no toners I wiped away not really thinking anything of it until I heard something that’s stuck in my head ever since

” Face wipes are for fanny’s not faces”

and it’s a good point you are only really wiping away the surface, the makeup that’s sitting on top but what about whats underneath? the makeup that’s been sitting on your face all day is now in your pores and believe me, that face wipe isn’t getting it out. And I always thought that the micellar water wasn’t that much better than a face wipe but apparently it is.. that is of course that you cleanse and exfoliate your face after.

I just love the way the micellar water makes my skin feel compared to using a face wipe I actually feel like my face is clean after I have used it and I don’t feel like I have to rub vigorously at my face to get it all to come off. its simple, easy and quick and the big bottle actually lasts quite a long time, lets put it this way it will last longer than the cotton wool pads you buy to take it off with. You can get loads of different types of micellar water at Boots to suit your skin type. You can get ones for delicate skin and eyes, sensitive skin and combonation skin, I personally use the Oil infused one because it works best for my skin the crazy thing is I bought this one by mistake one day because I was rushing and when I got home was so upset because i though my oily skin and an oil infused makeup remover might not be such a good idea but I used it anyway and it hasnt made any diffrent to my skin what so ever maybe because I do wash my face with water and a flanel after ive finished my skincare routine so maybe im rubbing all the oil off? I don’t know but all I know it if you are using face wipes next time you’re shopping take a look at the Garnier Micellar water and even if you’re unsure try the travel sized ones they are only £1 and see what you think.

 

Urban Decay All Nighter Setting Spray

 

The setting spray I have always wanted. I bought this last month for the first time after hearing and seeing it everywhere and people only had good things to say about it so I went into Urban Decay on Carnaby street and I bought it, and I absolutely love it, My make up is stuck to my face and even through all this horrible weather we have been having in London over the past couple of weeks my make up has stayed firmly on my face, come rain or come wind and its even managed to survive my oily skin! win-win! Because the formula they created all-nighter with was made with heat control technology and it actually cools the temperature of your make up so no matter if you’re like me and walking to work in the wind and rain every day or chilling by the pool in Barbados your makeup is there to stay! The only thing I would say about the All Nighter setting spray is that it has a bit of a strange smell, and obviously I didn’t buy it for it to smell nice but it has a smell that is quite strange my friend Heather even said she thought it smelt like a big mac.. and I kind of get what she means.. maybe it’s just us.

 

Nivea Rose & Argan Oil Body Lotion

This is probably the only product I have ever bought that my mum has run out and bought straight after if you’ve never smelt this lotion before then please do your self a favor and smell it! it is literally the best body lotion I’ve ever used it makes your skin feel amazing and it does smell a little like roses but it has a unique smell and I just love it. I have made a habit now of using it every evening on my body and every time I have a bath/shower. I now have one for myself in my Bedroom and my mum has one in her bedroom, in the kitchen and yes we have one spare in our bathroom cupboard, my mother is a very dedicated woman.

 

Urban Decay All Nighter Foundation 

Oh here I come again shoving another Urban Decay product down your throat but what can I say I must take after my mother I’m dedicated ok. I won’t bore you with the oily skin stuff again but obviously, this makes foundation tricky, sometimes they can just not be compatible with my skin and will literally melt away, no kidding. But because I got a very generous gift card from my fiance for Christmas I went nuts and thought there was no better time to finally try an Urban Decay foundation and I wasn’t wrong.

I love it so much the coverage is absolutely insane, and I don’t even need to use more than a pump and a bit to get full coverage, its literally the best and this foundation topped off with the all nighter spray is just well I would say amazing or incredible but I feel like I overuse these words so lets just say its worth the money. I’ve had this foundation since December 27th and it is now February 26th and I’ve used it every day and it still got over a 1/4 of a bottle left and I feel like that’s amazing because when I used to buy NYX foundations I would be buying them once a month. So if you feel like treating yourself this coming payday and you feel like you need a new foundation in your life go and have a look at the All Nighter Foundation and yes they are £29.50 but lets say you were like me and was spending nearly £15 every month for foundation in 2 months that’s £30 and this All nighter has lasted me that and more so its so worth it.

 

 

So there you have it that’s the five beauty products that I’m absolutely loving right now, not all of them have a big price tag, and even the few that cost a bit more are worth the price in the long run. What products are you loving right now? anything from a cleanser to a foundation let me know in the comments I would love to hear your recommendations.

Until next time lovely’s.

 

Xx

 

 

 

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Introducing The Banging Bad Gal Bang Mascara.

Introducing The Banging Bad Gal Bang Mascara.

Mascara has always been my weakness, I am always on the lookout for the new most incredible mascara I have spent countless amounts of money trying and buying new mascaras. I am not a fan of false eyelashes and I’m not that keen on getting eyelash extensions, even though they look incredible on everyone else I just don’t feel brave enough to have them myself. So the more a mascara can lift my eyelashes the better, I’ve tried everything from drugstore mascaras to high-end mascaras and although I have found some good ones along the way I haven’t had anything quite like the Bad Gal Bang mascara from Benefit.

A few weeks ago my Cousin who works at John Lewis was telling me about it before it was even launched and how she had already pre-ordered it and how excited she was to give it a try, and although I had tried Benefit mascaras in the past and they were great I was quite happy with my recent purchase of the Perversion mascara from Urban Decay so didn’t really give it much thought to be quite honest.

And then it launched..

 

“There is still enough on there to realise that this mascara talks the talk and walks the walk”

I kept seeing amazing pictures of girls wearing Bad Gal Bang and their lashes looked incredible full and voluminous and that’s what I like about social media and the blogosphere its not like the adverts you see on TV where your a bit skeptical to if the eyelashes of the beautiful woman have been enhanced, seeing it on people who have just taken a photo in their bedroom just seems to be a bit more believable for me.  So after work one Friday I was wondering around Debenhams and I gave in I thought its got to be worth a try so let’s see if it really lives up to the hype. Not only that but when I found out the mascara was not only waterproof and smudge resistant but it was also full of pro-vitamin B5 which helps strengthen lashes I was sold. 

So I first used it on Sunday I wanted to save it until my day off work to give it the first try, and I was pleasantly surprised but I wasn’t blown away, the application was nice and I liked the brush applicator but my lashes didn’t seem to look the way everyone else’s did, but I sometimes find with new mascaras they sort of have to be broken in, and its normally around the Third or Fourth go that you really start to see what you’re working with. So by the following weekend, I was in love I found myself concentrating on my mascara application more because I really wanted to get the full voluminous look to my lashes and it’s not like you need to spend loads of time on them because it basically does all the work for you, I was actually looking forward to getting to my eyes on my daily make up routine because it really compleated my look and made me feel incredible, whats even better about this mascara is that it really is long lasting even to the point where getting it off in the evenings can be a bit more of an aggresive rub but i think thats great because normally at my 9 hour days at work my mascara has flaked away during the day but this doesnt go anywhere, your lashes might not look as full as they did 9 hours ago but there is still a decent amount on there enough to realise that this mascara is talking the talk and walking the walk.

I have used it every day since and I don’t think I will be turning back anytime soon, not only is the mascara doing what it says on the tin but even the packaging is gorgeous, Benefit never fail on their packaging, and I’m loving the catchy name of this mascara, Bad Gal Bang is just such a unique title that really stands out amongst the others and so will your lashes.

So Benefit you nailed it! beautiful unique packaging, easy and simply applicator and most importantly you have given my lashes the lift they needed without me having to put myself through the scary eyelash extension process, it was worth every single penny and I will definitely be purchasing again.

Have you used Bad Gal Bang yet? if so what did you think of it? Or is there a different mascara that you swear by? Let me know in the comments down below I would love to know.

Until next time lovely’s.

Xx

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